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I was recently married and found this article to be helpful and inspiring. With divorce rates hovering around 50 percent—even higher for celebrities—what can we do to beat the averages? Here are some tips:
(Article taken from Maximized Living.com)
Show, Don’t Tell. Love is a verb, not a feeling. When people say they no longer feel the way they once did, they are referring to the butterflies and sparks of the relationship’s honeymoon stage. Feelings are emotional states brought on by a complexity of internal and external factors. Love grows and evolves as we honor commitments, keep promises and learn to forgive. Do you ever wonder how some people stay married for 50 years or more? Successful couples become best friends and learn to work together as partners to reach common goals. Don’t just state your love. Show it.
Make Regular Deposits. In the classic book, His Needs, Her Needs , the author offers a brilliant analogy between your checking account and your marriage. If you regularly withdraw more from your bank than you deposit, your finances will suffer. Likewise, if you regularly withdraw more from your marital love bank than you deposit, your marriage will suffer. Compliments, affection, pleasure and promise-keeping are deposits. Criticisms, disappointments, neglect and pain are withdrawals.
Never Stop Dating. Couples from 19 to 91 need a regular date night. Even if you don’t go out on the town, find a way to have uninterrupted play time. Dress up for a candlelit dinner at home with romantic music in the background. Keep an ongoing list of new meals to try, games to play, local places to visit, movies to rent, activities to enjoy. Keep it simple and fun. If you have children, find a trustworthy babysitter you can depend on.
Use “I” Language. This is an important skill to develop, especially in tense situations. Here’s an example: Instead of saying, “You make me so mad!” or “You’re so irresponsible!” try saying, “I felt very angry when you did what you did.” Your anger does not belong to your spouse, even when you’ve been treated unfairly. By taking responsibility for your own emotions, your spouse will be less defensive, and specific issues are more likely to be resolved. Sometimes, it’s better to postpone the conversation than to have it sabotaged by strong emotion.
Lighten Up. When it comes to minor differences of personality and taste, live and let live. Constant nitpicking can lead to unnecessary arguments and ongoing stress. Save your energy for resolving far greater issues, like money, family and career. Even then, try to keep a tone of lightness and humor.
Studies show that married couples are not only happier on average, but also healthier than their single, divorced or cohabitating counterparts . A strong, healthy marriage is worth the effort.
Dr. Kress' comments: When your relationships are affected, your health is also affected. However, it goes both ways....when your health is affected, it WILL affect your relationships. Call our office to find out how to work on both for mental, emotional, and physical health & well being.
